[free] Don't mention it.

Hamsters on swings, and some of the top bubbles I've tasted this year so far.

Google photos reminded me that it is four years since my wife laughed at me harder than she ever has done before.

Being married to a (slightly-annoyingly) efficiency-driven, careful person, she is normally starved of the ineffable joy that comes from seeing your partner make an absolute tit of themselves. This, then, was deep, satisfying nourishment.

Here is what happened.

For a number of days that was not insignificant, my email signature contained a picture of Mr Bean picking his teeth, and a GIF of a hamster on a swing.

I do not know how this happened.

Was it my kids? I don’t think so. Some other practical joker? Unlikely. The sinister call sign of a cyber-hacking sleeper cell? They picked a low-value target, if so. My email settings were such that my own signature was hidden whilst I was writing, so I didn’t notice for days.

Even funnier than the sheer unprofessionalism alone is what I imagine to have been the reaction of those on the receiving end of this cryptic visual imagery. Perhaps they thought this was some kind of British email etiquette? Like a coat of arms, perhaps: Mr Bean picking his teeth represents Pride In Sensory Clarity, whilst Hamster On A Swing represents the carefree spirit of someone who enjoys where they are but doesn’t necessarily know how they got there. (How does a hamster get on a swing? How does one become a wine reviewer?)

Or perhaps, like the French obsession with spam-blocking cryptogrammic puzzles that have to be solved before you can email somebody, they might assume it was some kind of British cyber-security measure, like a visual Sunday Times Crossword clue? “Please click on the picture with ‘tannin’ inside” Solve that, AI. (real clue, by the way). Or, “Please click on the picture that only children find funny”. Tough call.

The juxtaposition with my matter-of-fact, no-frills email tone is what makes the ensemble comedic, though. If my emails had been written in emojis, exclamations and hyperbole then perhaps it wouldn’t have been so jarring. “Fabulous! OMG I’m sooo pumped for this tasting guys 💕😍 xxx ……..[hamster on a swing]” scans better than “Thanks for your assistance, the meeting is confirmed for 11.00. Kind regards, Tom ……[Mr Bean in a tuxedo.]”

Anyway. This episode always reminds me or something inescapable - one is either a person with decorum, or one isn’t. You’d think that years of gowns and balls and ‘formals’ at a most-decorous university would be able to drill it into me, that I’d slip into a tuxedo as easily as a pair of PJs, glide through glitz and glam with effortless grace. The people who are inevitably the most impeccable in their professional life, though, are those who didn’t have to do it all as a dressing-up game in their late teens. Us middle-class pretenders are all scruffbags, posh cosplayers, bluffers. We don’t actually value formality enough to be able to pull it off.

Next week, rather like the hapless subject of my short-lived email signoff, I have to actually wear a tuxedo for a Champagne event. Some people there will enjoy it, but I will always feel a like the guy that probably sent at least some of them a picture of a hamster on a swing.

If you’re one of them, I hope it made you laugh. You’re welcome. Don’t mention it.

Five of the most memorable wines I’ve tried this year so far

Pol Roger Vintage Rosé 2019

I’ll be writing this up for Decanter soon, but in short this new vintage of Pol Rosé strikes me as the finest I’ve ever tasted of this cuvée. Pol’s rosé is not a shy style - this is a deeper, darker rosé than many, effusive and immediate with juicy pomegranate and raspberry fruit. It’s held, though, in a beautiful, slatey and gently charry restraint, with an aromatic layering-up that draws in violet, anise, mint, cream, demerara….all whilst doing that 2019 magic trick of strapping up all that fruitiness in a surprisingly tapered, restrained freshness. It’s lovely now (once you open it for a couple of hours), but will hit a fabulous peak with three years on cork.

RH Coutier, Bouzy Rouge 1976

Ok, this was not the best red Coteaux Champenois I’ve ever had, but it was a bit of a freaky wine - sealed under crown cap, it had almost freeze-framed in freshness, still pouring ruby-red with lots of Jolly Rancher, cherry-bright fruit and slight coffee-ground maturity. Not at all developed in the spicy/oxidative way you might expect, this was much more fruit pastille/cream/herb and clean-cut. The heat of the 1976 vintage was certainly there, too. It would have been interesting to taste this had it been bottled under cork - I’m not sure whether it would have been better or not!

Sugrue South Downs Cuvée Boz 2020

Blanc de Blancs from chalk in Ditchling, Sussex. Dermot’s wines are always bright, nervy, saline, brisk….sometimes a little wild, in truth, rarely crowd-pleasers but almost always engaging and complex. This is no different, and whilst it might not be the most accessible Chardonnay it has a sense of transparency, frankness and unadorned fruit that I really enjoyed. There’s no concession to creaminess, toastiness, sweetness - it’s a nutty/salty citrus bomb, taut, linear and truly feeling like a wine of a single place.

Charles Heidsieck 1995 Vintage Collection Crayères

This, on the other hand, was big silk-lined, velvet-upholstered, soft-skinned delight. Like shaking hands with a rich person, who moisturises. Nick Baker brought this to lunch as we tasted the new (and excellent) Charles Heidseick Blanc des Millénaires 2017, and it impressed with its deep candied fruit, nougat, coffee and cocoa nose. The palate was plush, nutty, fresh, sweet-toned - not, perhaps, the longest, or most driven, or mest dynamic, but joyous in that sense that old Champagnes that don’t taste old always are, where part of the joy is in the very fact that they are still bright.

Black Chalk Paragon 2022

I just spent a great day at one of England’s top producers, Black Chalk in Hampshire. Jacob Leadley and Zoe Driver have such a clearly-defined vision of what they want to create here, and everything seems to be in place to realise finesse, delicacy and vivacity. There were a few future releases I tasted today that are truly exciting. More immediately, this premium Chardonnay release from 2022, tasted very soon after disgorgement, is already beautiful - forward and aromatic in sunny 2022, with the complexity of about half of the vinification in oak foudre and barrel, it’s nevertheless brisk and crystalline-pure.